A week back home...

This week has been weird.

I've struggled with jet lag and normal sleeping patterns.

I shared lots of chocolate that I brought back from Europe with my students.

Most of them were thankful and appreciative, some not so.

I spent so much time and energy (and money) collecting all those things and carting them everywhere - I kind of wanted more of a reaction.

Like when I gave Nan her gifts. She was thankful. But I didn't get that excitement. Like every single time I was given something from someone who'd been overseas. I was just so stoked that they'd thought of me while they were travelling.

Being back at school has sucked. I just want to keep travelling. But the no money issue is a problem 😂

So I began to unpack this week. Organised my souvenirs and packed my gifts into bags.

The dogs chewed up my remaining Toblerone bars. Gah. There was one good one left that I gave Nan.

A couple of kids stole the Swiss heart chocolates from the tin in my bag while I was having a nap on the beanbags in class at lunch.

People ask me how it was. It's hard to give an answer.

I just keep coming back to the fact that everything is still the same. But I'm not. I've changed. And I'm trying to get my head around it. Because I have this life here too.

Is there two Alex's now? The teacher... And the traveller?

How do I co-exist?

The teacher funds the travellers trips ... That's for sure.

But beyond that - is this life enough for me?

Big questions. Next to no answers.

I guess I just need to prep for my next trip. Plan it all so that I don't feel stuck.

The travel bug bit me hard. 😂😍🌍✈️❤️

#takuhaerenga

Realisation: On way to Guernsey!!!

Wow. Okay so I know it should come as no surprise to me that I'm on this train from Rennes to St Malo, in order to then catch a ferry to Guernsey... But I just got surprised.

I've been wanting this trip section to begin for ages and now that it is - I'm bonkers excited.

Why?

Because I'll finally be on the land where my French ancestors stood. And I'll be able to walk around and visit the urupa and visit the whanau who still live there.

I'm super excited actually.

Things I'm worried about:

- whether this family is as nice as the Le Long's in Warwick
- where to stay if they're not 😂
- being sad if they're not as keen to meet me hahaha

But all in all - I can't let me worries ruin this trip. Because I've wanted this so long. And I deserve it. I can't wait!

Hoki mai toku kainga

Home coming.

The minute I flew over Auckland, I was happy.

When I got to the airport and got my bags - I was happy.

When I made it through customs, only losing my feather :( bye feather - I was happy and sad at the same time.

When I got through the gates and headed out to see my family - I was slightly disappointed. No massive greeting party like the movies. My nan and family were somewhere, possibly parking or going to the toilet.

It turns out it was the latter. And I found them on my way back into the airport.

I got the usual reports of the weather and the drive up and what Nan had been doing the last few days.

No one asked how my flight was. Or what I ate. Or how my trip was. Or showed much understanding that I was tired because I'd just spent the last 24+ hours travelling to get home.

I got a BP Butter Chicken pie, soy hot chocolate and chicken bites for lunch/breakfast/morning tea at 10am. That felt like a nice home coming feed. With my family. In the Autobahn cafe, where they ate from the cafe and I had contraband BP food in the cafe.

I hadn't had a meat pie for a whole month. It was delightful. And just how I remembered it.

There were moments today when I just wanted to sleep - I did. And moments when I literally could not understand how to speak to my family who haven't travelled overseas. My nan is a traveller, of NZ and in her books.

But she doesn't ask me questions. So I felt like I was lost adrift, in the car while she drove. I felt lonely and surrounded with love at the same time.

But I needed to show them where I'd been.

I took out my magnets and showed my nieces and Nan's latest Japanese student. Crystel was a no-show.

I talked in detail about each place and something special I remembered about each place when I gave them each magnet to look at.

Because they're more than just magnets. They're small reminders of time spent in those places. That I lived. That I was there.

I haven't unpacked yet.

I want to do a video about what I packed and what I brought home. And what I didn't actually need. And the souvenirs I got too.

So many pieces of art.

So many trinkets.

So many memories.

And it's all locked up inside my mind and in my heart.

And..  I just got a message from my Parisian friend asking if I got home okay ❤️

Sleep for me. Maybe being back at school tomorrow I'll feel better. With the questions and the discussions about where I'd been.

I'm not going to take my special things for the kids tomorrow. I'll wait a couple days maybe.

Still annoyed that Crystel wasn't there. Isn't here.

I feel different. I'm home. Nothing seems to have changed here. But I've changed. My life is brighter and happier and hopeful. I want to just keep travelling. And never stop seeing the world.

But I need more money. So monotony and then travelling.

Guernsey

Today I found the census records from 1891 for my whanau. It was a really cool moment.

I came here hunting for the whanau I'd met online years ago and I had the best time, however short, with them.

I had an incredible time with the lovely couple I met at the terminal with their godson who had been on the ferry with me. Meeting Zach, Terry and Jo was truly fateful. They gave me rides to and from the ferry, showed me around the island and gave me true island kindness. So blessed. All that good karma from helping other tourists and international students has paid for sure.

As we sail away from Guernsey, I can't imagine what it would have been like for Jean Francois Le Long and Marie Nedellec to leave the home they knew and loved for an uncertain future on the other side of the world.

I feel so connected to that place. Touching the granite - both pink and grey - and knowing Jean Francois's connection with stonecutting and masonry. Seeing the ocean and smelling the sea. ❤️

They had a fair bit of trauma here on their own with the drowning of two of their children in the quarry where the fathers and uncles worked. So I guess it's no surprise that they needed to leave.

Jean Francois' brother Etienne stayed behind here in Guernsey and had a son named Charles Yves and Charles Yves had a son called Charles. Charles then had a son called Francois and had a few beautiful children - my Aunty Theresa, Uncle Dave, Aunty Ann and ...

I finally met Aunty Theresa and Uncle Dave last night. Caught up with my cousin Stacey last night at dinner at Aunty Theresa's and met Jay Jay this morning at the beautiful Terrace Cafe.

I found some time to go to the Prilaux library today and found Jean Francois and Marie Nedellec in the 1891 census records. I knew the date of the census and the handwriting but had forgotten the parish. It's Vale.

Next time I come, I'm going to meet the rest of the cousins and the aunties I didn't get to meet. We will go and visit the graves of the children who drowned, my great great grandaunt and granduncle, Jean Francois and Marie's children.  ❤️

Still, I want to know why Jean Francois and Marie chose New Zealand of all places to leave and start a new life. It was hard work and if they hadn't ever left, I wouldn't be here right now in this ferry leaving Guernsey, wishing I could stay. ❤️

#FullCircle

St Malo

You're sitting on the beach, a sandcastle in front of you, smooth crashing waves soothe your ears.

Children play with their parents on the beach - petanque, soccer, a weird game of four square using a mini trampoline and of course, building sandcastles.

The wind is soft on the skin. Water warm and refreshing at the same time. The houses standing tall on the coastline with a wall protruding from the sand, keeping them safe from the incoming tide.

In the water you are alone but beyond happy. You sit on the beach for a long term before venturing out towards the ocean, in fear of someone stealing your purse with passport, rings and money in. But you see the other beachgoers casual as, happy and relaxed. Deciding to take a chance, you leave the safety of the sand and head down to the water. The Ocean  greets you and bows as you touch it, edging away. Cute dads and their kids, old men in their Speedos, women swimming alone. Safe.

The waves aren't as big as home. They're still fun but not deathly. They are forgiving here. They lift you up instead.

The seagulls caw and the laughter surrounds you

This place is beautiful.

Remember-

Remember the train lady - from Rennes to St Malo - so happy in her job and so stylish too. Her whistle, blond hair topped with a blue cap with a red ribbon and red shoes.

Avoiding Pickpockets

I never take my big purse with me - but if I do - my crossbody bag is inside it. I have locks on most things. I give anyone who gives me the itchy look a long look, smile if need be and it usually removes the anonymous aspect because I've seen their face. When I go out, I take my cross-body bag and keep it in front of me. It has RFID internal pockets so everything that is important - cash, cards and passport if needed - is inside a zipped pocket with lipstick, lipbalm, tissues and coin purse on the outside - again zipped up. I've really loved this bag. I was worried about it's thin strap when in Rome because I'd heard that people go past on a moped ready to cut straps and steal bags. I think most of our Contiki group were pretty aware so that helped too.

Add stories of scams
- cardboard clipboard
- roses
- ring lady by the Seine with her blind daughter

Add stories of near misses
- Char

Bye Contiki mates 😭

And... I'm back to being a solo traveller.

After wanting so much time on my own I'm instantly craving the time I spent with my Contiki mates.

They've all just left. Well, not all of them because there are still some people here. Hopefully I can still hang out with them today before I go to the Channel Islands tomorrow.

I feel sad, hungover, drunk still and overwhelmingly tired and sick. I'm glad I've got my room here for another night.

I need to have a sleep and then process everything. It still doesn't feel real that they've all gone. I keep thinking that they're gonna come knock on my door saying, "Alex! Come to breakfast!" Or reminding me for the thousandth time that it's bags to coach at 7.45am.

I miss them all so much.

Stupid questions

SO many questions. SO MANY. Seriously.

Sometimes it's all I can do to just look away and shake my head.

For me, I've always believed you should research a place before travelling there. I've done my best with this trip. I knew bits and pieces already of course through my history studies - but bits and pieces I'd learnt.

But to go to a place like the Cistine Chapel and not know that the paintings depict Christian narratives or the literal story of the Bible... And think that the pictures just depict people from a different time, having a rough time of it...  🤦 Sure, partially correct, it would have been hard back then... Bahahaha

Or when we were standing on top of Hitler's bunker and a question got asked - if they knew where he was, why didn't they just come kill him? Um... There was a war going on??

Mon dieu 😂

Cultural baggage

I talked about this with my Uncle while I was in Warwick. With him I could share our knowledge and awareness of tikanga Māori and matauranga Māori. Shared some of our Māori narratives and discussed historical injustices.

We talked about how easy it was walking around Warwick - learning the history - soaking it up. The place at Warwick castle felt so ancient that Papatuanuku was snoozing now in relative peace where the castle sits upon her. The bloodshed was so far off - it was a really different vibe, totally different energy than at home.

At home - you go anywhere and you feel this weight. Papa is still hurting. Constantly being hurt and subjected to assualt and violence. The cultural baggage weighs you down. Knowing what happened as you drive through places, on roads built for genocide. To be fair - this is similar for me in Europe like when I walked into Dachau and driving on the Autobahn.

But the cultural weight at home is so heavy - sometimes it's all I think about. That vibration of hurt and shame. Horrific injustices and systemic abuse.

Here - the hurt is still there but time has lessened the weight.

Walking around the colloseum yesterday - I knew others had walked where we had, died in the halls and underneath... But the length of time between then and now is massive. It feels unreal that it happened. Even though we know it did.

So why is it hard for us to understand our immediate history? The events that take place even now. The bloodshed and hurt that is ongoing.

So that's a bit of what's on my mind right now.

Ngā mihi x

The Token Kiwi

I don't think I've mentioned this yet but...

1 Contiki Coach
1 Tour Guide
1 Bus Driver
43 tour members

1 Kiwi
1 Canadian
1 American
1 Pom
AND
39 Aussies...

Literally every time I meet another Kiwi while on this trip I freak out and squeal and get so excited. Last night I met three Kiwi's at the bar on another Contiki trip. They have FOUR Kiwis. So freaking jealous. We had the best korero last night and I got all my ranting out. Love our Aussie cousins... They're just all so intense haha

Definitely missing our shared Kiwi slang, use of Reo Māori and general Kiwi manners and respect. Missing people understanding my accent haha and not being referenced as a sheep shagger all the time 🤦 No idea.... Kaore e mohio a ratou 😂 Kaore e tuatahi 😂 Love you guys - my Kiwi fam and my new Aussie whanau here on the coach 😍

#takuhaerenga #Venice #NauticalParty #DanTheKiwi

Dachau

On making our way to Dachau Concentration Camp, our tour manager Loz gave us an experience I'll always remember. She made us put ourselves in the shoes of someone being ripped out of their home, being sent on a cattle train, seeing friends and family killed or die on the journey, experiencing the sheer terror and hunger within the camp, not knowing what would be coming next. She didn't make it any less easy on us than I do with my students. Factual, relatable but finding ways we could connect but also see the huge difference in the two realities - ours and theirs.

Before going to Dachau, I felt like I knew most of what there was to know. I know now that I know nothing.

Walking down the pathway towards the camp entrance, it was beautiful. I knew what was coming though and sung an oriori to help pave the way clearer so that there would be less resistance going and to honour the memories of those who had been executed and exterminated. Those words are confronting, but nevertheless true.

Walking through those gates with 'Albeit Macht Frei' and seeing the bleak landscape just put me into a state of shock. I couldn't quite believe that I was standing there, but also knowing full well what had happened there. Every step I took potentially had been where someone had died or was murdered.

Loz had asked us to pick up a pebble while there. I found a small yellow one and held it tightly the entire way around the camp.

We didn't have much time there today - you'd need a full day and then some I reckon. To fully understand and process everything. I didn't get time to go towards the gas chambers. Seeing the bleak space beside the barracks was enough to create many tears.

The trees will have seen so much.

The museum while good and informative was something I should have done last. I should have made time to visit the camp properly and let it all sink in. Regardless, I want to go back there and deepen my understanding further.

Upon leaving today, I told those waiting in the sidelines that they couldn't come with me, nor that they had to stay there. They could go home. But I felt that immense guilt of being able to leave today. They couldn't.

And that was the message behind Loz getting us to pick up that pebble. She wanted us to see it, connect with it and understand that when we saw it, felt it - that we would be more appreciative of the good stuff in life rather than dwelling on the bad stuff. Powerful. Because they didn't have that chance of freedom.

And so - another place is added to my #nexttime list.

Moe mai atu ra ki a koutou xx

Heading to Dachau Concentration Camp

Initially I was excited. Then I got angry at myself for being excited to go to an historical place where many many many deaths occurred.

Walking through the memorial in Berlin the other day I felt numb. That was a mere memorial. This, is a place of death and trauma.

I'm going to feel the trauma. That awful sickening feeling in my stomach. I might spew.

I will soak in the history. I will absorb the pain. I will acknowledge, remember and never forget.

Contiki - mental health #2

So what I'm realising is this.. 

The idea of being stuck on a coach with 43 other people is actually mentally, physically and emotionally draining. The reality is I'm tired and grumpy.

Normally if I need time to deconstruct, I find some quiet me time. There hasn't been much of that.

The beginning of my trip was more enjoyable because I was travelling solo. I was getting myself places and making choices about what I was doing.

This part of the trip is all organised for me. What I forget though is that I have choices within that. That I can opt out of stuff like the paragliding. That I can have me time in a foreign country. That I can make my own friends when I want to, like the Bus-a-bout girl ❤️ I actually think the idea of Bus-a-bout is really cool.

What is bugging me about the trip is that I have to be back on the bus at a certain point - usually I'm okay with this but the last couple days with my swelling of my feet (none yesterday because I wore my compression socks!!) and the blisters has caused me to be way slower than normal and I'm in pain.

Yesterday I got back on the bus like a solid five mins after our tour manager got on - but I was behind them - still walking. Just took me longer because of my sore feet.

I need to show her how bad the blisters are maybe or just talk to her about all this.

I don't know.

But what I do know is I'm starting to get why my mental health was taking a downward spiral. Drinking too much - not normal for me anymore. It's causing me to feel shit about myself and I'm not bloody 23 anymore. I'm 30 and like to enjoy my alcohol lol. Alcohol is a depressant. I forgot this too but my mate Amber reminded me and reminded me to focus on scent and sight the next few days to refocus myself.

Being around so many people is causing a fair few problems. Yesterday I counterbalanced this with putting my headphones on in the couch and listening to some NZ reggae to chill out. All the talking was just too much. I need downtime and my own space too.

I went for a swim the other day on my own and it was great. Being on my own is good. I need this. But I feel like I'm being antisocial when there's a big group of people who are becoming my friends.

I also have to remember that I'm walking a lot more than I do at home. So the blisters are obvious - but also coz I was dumb and wore a new pair of shoes I bought in Amsterdam while in Berlin.

I also have to keep up with blogging and writing. I need to find some me time today to do this. The physical writing down and thinking about shit is absolutely important to me. It helps me process and realise the truths in my reality rather than the lies I tell myself.

Plus - I walked craploads up stairs this week. Like craploads. I can't even begin to count how many stairs. 200+ in the Berliner Dom easy.

Draining carrying all my shit.

I need to do washing and also send some shit home that is weighing my bags down.

Regardless of the fact that I'm travelling and that I can be a different person - all the experiences that have happened to make me this person aren't wiped out. I am who I am. I love myself most days and on the days I struggle, I fight to remember why I am proud of myself.

Because at the end of the day - I got myself here. That's incredible.

Thanks for the pep talk Amber. ❤️

Now back to finish my sleep.

Contiki Learnings Thus Far - mental health

So... My mental health is kicking my butt at the moment. Lots of negative thoughts about my weight, thinking I look like crap on photos and those ugly thoughts thinking people don't like me are circulating.

I've found a bunch of incredible people to hang out with here on this trip. I'm looking forward to visiting them in their hometowns too and soon.

I was giving a pep talk to one of my roomies this morning and told her to stop hating on herself. I need to listen to that advice too.

One of the guys earlier was on the phone talking to his two boys. I got down from that too. It just made me so sad that my dad was never that supportive or interested in my life. That this one guy on Contiki had so much love for his kids - it just got me, hard. I tried holding back the tears and for a part I did. But seriously - this same guy I was angry at yesterday for standing on one of the sculpture blocks of the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin was talking to his boys about all the photos he had taken and was looking forward to showing them and explaining the photos when he got back.

It took a minute to remember how I was feeling and why.

For the most part - I'm way out of my comfort zone. I am partying with people much younger than me. But I'm not here to do that. But that's what I've been doing.

I'm out of my normal routine. Spending a lot of time on the bus. Talking with people at a different age and stage than me.

And just like that - the immense joy took over again. We just crossed the border from Germany to Prague. We're now in the Czech Republic!!! 😍😍😍

But then... I don't know. I'm still sad.

I'm gutted I have sore feet and feel like I'm holding people back.

Two days ago I signed up for a heap of different free time add ons. Including Paragliding. Because #noregrets right?! But... I'm feeling yuck and nervous now. Our tour manager just told us that the paragliding company wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable running for 20m before jumping off the cliff. I'm defs not able to run that long for that amount of time. I'm getting better but yeah. I defs think that I'm going to have to give the paragliding a miss aye. Because shit. My mental health is making me doubt everything.

It's hard enough just getting bloody ready. I'm wearing the wrong clothes for the day's activities.

I'm tired. I need more sleep. But I don't want to miss out on anything. But I also don't want to burn out.

I'm feeling so annoyed with myself. I was most looking forward to Prague. And I'm in a crap mood. Gah.

Key Learnings Today

- I teach like how Shakespeare was taught! The constant questioning and deepening the thought process.
- Le Long's need better communication. I will keep working on that one.
- my family is amazing

Whanau in Warwick

My heart is aching.

I've just got on the train, voluntarily leaving Uncle Noel and Aunty Anna a day early to go stay with their daughter, my cousin Oonagh in London for the night before I start my Contiki Trip.

I miss both of them already so much.

I didn't realise how quickly I'd bond with all of them and just how much I was going to miss them once I left.

We had an incredible few days.

Today we went to Stratford-Upon-Avon. So many things to process and think about. Was so cool to visit Shakespeare's school and to have lunch in the Anne Hathaway tea house.

I'm now crying quietly on the train. Jeez.

Yesterday Uncle Noel took me to Warwick Castle. It was amazing. I was in literal awe.

Last night we had a jam session at home. Uncle Noel played his Strat and Aunty Anna played her piano. I played the djembe's and the lap snare drum.

I bonded so quickly with Aunty Anna even though she wasn't there during the reunion and couldn't make it with us on our day trips. We're so similar. She is an incredible role model. To be your true self, live your real happy life. Screw everyone else. To enjoy life, no matter how silly others think you are.

Of course I was going to bond with Uncle Noel. He reminded me immediately of Grandad and even Uncle Ken with his kind and compassionate nature. The email contact and the hug when he picked me up with his sister and her husband.

I missed Aunty Gill the minute she left too.

I feel like I'm being sent away. It's not true at all. I'm off on my next part of my journey. It's exciting really but all I can feel right now is how much I miss them and how much I wish I'd had a creative, happy upbringing with people like them.

I'm eye rolling at myself - crying with my sunglasses on, luggage between my legs, Litehaul beside me and yellow handbag on top of my suitcase.

Honestly.

But truthfully, I felt so much a part of the family and I wish I could stay forever.

I really hope that Uncle Noel decides to come over to NZ. It would be so great to see them all.

Ngā mihi nui ki a koutou xx Mihi mahana atu ki a koe. Ka nui te Aroha xxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Ka kite anō korua xxx

Window seat vs Staying Hydrated

Well. On the flight to Guangzhou I had the window seat. Awesome for views. But jeeeeez. Truly underestimated the difficulty in getting out to go to the toilet during the flight.

Way harder when BOTH my neighbours were sleeping throughout the majority of the flight. The girl closest to me was leaning on her tray table to sleep and the other was spread out with her knees right up to the other seat.

My only strategy was to wake up the table girl and literally jump over the other girl. Which I did twice.

I should also mention the rogue cup of water that the tray table girl had and didn't even drink. Every time she went to sleep on the tray table I wondered when she'd accidentally tip it. And.... It wasn't until the last half hour of the flight that she pushed it with her hand and it went all over my leg. Lol. And then again. Lucky it didn't drench anything else but I literally kept looking at the cup of water everytime she went to sleep.

On this flight, I got smarter. Still at the window seat. Still incredible views. I'm sitting next to an elderly Chinese couple. They're gorgeous. I've started calling the woman aunty, mostly in my head and recently in person on accident haha

On this flight, I now just wait for aunty to get up to go to the toilet. Her husband steps up and out of his seat to let her and me pass too. Best idea ever.

The first time I did it, I literally thought I was a genius. No more leaping over sleeping people. My only thought was - be quick before aunty gets back.

But now - we've got 3 hours to go. I've drunk more water because I was trying to manage my need to go to the bathroom and my headache from getting dehydrated. I said no to the first lot of orange juice before dinner and had one after instead. But now - I need to go toilet. Aunty is asleep. Her husband is watching a film.

The waiting game begins. She's drunk way more fluid than I have. An old woman's bladder vs a young teacher's bladder. Here's hoping she gets up soon!!!

And just like that - she wakes up. Has another drink of water... Gah. And gets back under her comfy blanket. Come on aunty!!! 😍😍😍

PS. Love this couple. They are so beautiful together. He helps her, she smiles at him and he is patient, sharing stories and cool pictures of artifacts he had on his phone. ❤️

....

PSS. YUSSSSSSSS and just like that... 5 mins after finishing typing this - her husband got up to move his legs and she followed suit and I went to the toilet and walked around the plane tooooo YUSSS. Thanks Aunty!

Food on China Southern Flights

TL;DR - Fantastic. 😍👅

Over these past two flights, I've had four meals. Three were amazing. Here's the breakdown.

Auckland to Guangzhou:

Dinner: pork and rice with beans. Walnut salad with basil/mint pesto sauce. Bun and butter.

Dessert: Kapiti Icecream

Breakfast: pork bun and fruit and yoghurt and croissant

Guangzhou to Heathrow:

Breakfast: there were two options. I heard egg and said no. I chose the dim sum. Bad move. But I chose it because I'd never had it. Bad idea to eat new food on the plane when you're in the window seat and the lovely Chinese couple beside me are enjoying their meal... So cannot get up and powerchuck in the bathroom..

Selection of Dim sum, fruit, yoghurt, cinnamon pastry

Disclaimer: as I'd never eaten dim sum, I watched my seat neighbours and took note of their actions and made sure I was eating it right. I ate bits and pieces from each bit and couldn't stomach the one in the brown package. The smell was overpowering and the taste - I was expecting something yum like the pork from the night before.

The yoghurt and fruit was delightful though. Have never tried that white fruit with the seeds in. I am sure I've seen it online too. Was like a white kiwifruit and less tangy.

Dinner:

Two options - I heard chicken and potatoes. I was starving after the kai earlier today. So went for the easiest option. Turns out the other option was the pork from the night before. Gutted.

But the roast chicken, broccoli and potatoes was yum as.

The bun was fresh and the fruit (orange section, four cherry tomatoes) was just what I wanted. Wasn't a fan of the potato salad? Tried it. Ate the lettuce instead.

Overall - really good.

Pro tip:
Listen to the airhosts with the options and ask for more specific info about the options.

Possibly could get a printed version of the menu too like my neighbour had.

Five hours to go of this flight

So bored.

Bored bored bored bored

I should just get some sleep.

Sleep sleep sleep sleep

... And so the journey begins

I've got six more hours to go on this flight from Guangzhou to Heathrow.

About two hours ago as we were flying over Ulan Bator, the desert laying beneath the cover of clouds, I had this realisation that this is it. There really is no turning back now.

To be honest, I've had that feeling a lot more than just a few hours ago.

Like the time I paid my flights or when I paid the last $50 of my Contiki trip. Or even when I walked through the international departure gate in Auckland Airport.

But now - so close to this trip I've been dreaming about for over 15 years - it's so so close.

The excitement is real. But the anticipation is more realistic. Because I don't know what to expect. I've had travel dreams but how can you populate it with buildings and people without having been there?

I still have those awful doubts in the back of my mind but I'm working on ignoring them and focussing on the beautiful positive.

I've taken so many photos already. Mainly of the maps from my tv screen on the back of the China Southern seat in front of me haha. It's just so cool seeing the little plane graphic creeping closer to my destination.

Knowing that I'm getting closer is increasing the amount of anticipation and overall nervousness.

I've had my first few moments of culture shock where I couldn't converse with several helpful staff in Guangzhou. Finding Sugar and .... Was honestly fated. They were so awesome to talk with and that interaction is what I want. What I used to be able to do so easily. So - I need to work on that skill and figure out who I am again.

It turns out that pretty brave is a clear characteristic!! I've talked already about the way in which I'm following the footsteps backwards that my tupuna took.

I've had a couple of moments where I've felt a bit emotional. Leaving Crystel and seeing how upset she was with me leaving. I actually think that she thought I wouldn't go. She'll be okay though. She knows she has support. I guess this is her time to grow too. Without me being there to prompt her or remind her to do stuff. What I used to tell mum off for doing all the time actually.

Watching Shameless - it made me sad that both mum and dad don't even know that I'm going to be on the other side of the world this weekend. Their reality though. They could be more involved or less narcissistic or have better parenting skills...

Regardless, I am stoked to go. To enjoy life. Live it up and find myself in the process.

Kia Kaha ❤️🛫🌏😍
#noregrets

4 Days, 23 Hours, 1 Minute, 20 Seconds

This Friday. Wow.

For the longest time I've been telling everyone that I'm going. Mostly because I'm so damn excited but also because I've been trying to make myself realise that I'm actually getting on a plane, travelling overseas by myself and meeting a bunch of new people and having an incredible time!

Truly - not long now.

I packed today. My big suitcase (15.1kg) and my carryon (6.3 kgs). There are a few things I still need to add but I'll still be under weight.

This week I just need to focus on getting everything sorted at school. Marking, marks up, reports written and finalised. Relief and resources done. So much to do.

Spending yesterday with my family here and in Tauranga, spending today lazing and weaving in the arvo... Gave me some homebody time. And time to get the things I needed sorted, sorted. Now I can just properly focus on leaving things good at school so I can leave, stress free.

Crystel is being a dick again though. I thought I could rely on her, but she hasn't been here the last few days. If anything, I thought she'd be wanting to hang out with me as I'm off to Europe soon. Partial jealousy and partial frustration. I can't and don't want to control her. But I do want her to make good decisions. Which she's not at the moment.

I just need a really good sleep, break free from this mental torment, get back on the excited Waka for my trip and seriously just enjoy life, for myself. No-one else.

Tupuna Travel Hacks

Just had this crazy feeling while watching YouTube Travel Hack videos.

Am so incredibly grateful for all the amazing travellers who share this information.

I'm travelling to Europe soon... Back to where my whanau are from - Guernsey, France, Germany and Prague.

The feeling is crazy because my tupuna didn't have this kind of travel hack info available. They were voyagers. They were the ultimate risk-takers. They literally got on the ship and came to NZ, and worked so hard when they got here to make a life for themselves.

My tupuna created their own pathway. They fought the NZ wilderness, cut trees, made homes, connected with the local Māori, shared kai, shared stories, failed and succeeded. They made their own opportunities and tried hard to make the most of their new environment and lives in NZ.

Maybe they did have people who gave them a few tips. But I doubt that they had people warn them of the crazy weather or just how hard they'd have to work when they got to NZ. Or what they needed to do to succeed when they did get here after the long journey here.

I am indebted to them and honour them with my pilgrimage back to the places they are from.

Ngā mihi nui ki a koutou katoa xx

Luggage Prep - Kathmandu Obsession

So... Originally all I had was my massive suitcase that my mum bought me a few years ago.

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When I use it in NZ I always get compliments and people think it's great. I'm worried though that it will seem naff or overkill in Europe. I'm probably still taking it. Why buy another suitcase when this works perfectly.

But I needed something else. A day pack, a way to hold my passport and money safely and a carry on bag.

Usually on NZ flights I take my Māori Teacher's Conference bags - I'm hoping this year while I'm in Europe the bag they give isn't connected to the ones I already have!! Because I'd hate to miss out on the collection!!

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These days I use my huiatau backpack for my weaving classes on Sundays to hold my korowai sampler and my threads and wool.

The other bag was recently peed on by both cats. So... Yeah.

Anyway - I knew I wanted a strong, secure carry on bag. One that was lockable and one that was going to be easy to transport and had loads of space.

I've been a fan of Kathmandu for the longest time but I'd never really needed to make any full on purchases.

This year though.... I've made plenty!

Their website is brilliant. Simple to use, great for comparisons of products. I used the website so much to figure out which bags I wanted that when I went in store to try them on and test them with my sister, I seemed to know more about each item than the Kathmandu staff member who was trying to help me.

Recommendation: use the website first, then go in store.

The staff at Kathmandu were so incredibly helpful and each time I had a question, they didn't mock me but do continue to give incredible advice and support always.

I originally thought I wanted the Transit Carry on - it had a cool compartment at the top with a hard case for anything you wanted to grab out of the overhead locker quickly. But for some reason it didn't sit on my shoulders properly.

I was gutted.

My second choice was the Litehaul 38L Carry On bag. It is HUGE. And has LOADS of pockets, most of which are lockable. It has this incredible versatility to it, where you can carry it by a single handle, by a side shoulder strap and also as an actual backpack. The cool thing about this versatility is that if you want to swap out the backpack shoulder straps, you do so simply by using the outer layer zip pocket and zip them inside. This outer layer can be hidden when using the straps too of course.

I think it was the versatility of the straps that finally made my decision that I wanted the Litehaul series.

When I tried it on instore, I fell in love. It fit perfectly on my shoulders. It had a waist belt and clipped over the top of my chest too.

It also has clips on the straps that you can click the Litehaul day pack on as well so that you have a front pack and back pack as well. This will be great when I finally get good at packing and can minimise my items for that holy grail of packing: just a carry on.

Albeit to say, I got the Litehaul 38L.

On that first trip to Kathmandu I also purchased the Transit Pouch which I've kept calling the Transit Purse. It has an awesome internal RFID pocket inside that you'd put your passport, cards etc in to avoid having your data scanned by scam artists. It also has inside pockets, a strong zip and a simple, yet ingenious security system where the zip [thread?] can be inserted into the nearby lockable hole.

Better still, it has an outside pocket, with a magnet which is self-closing that you can hide items that you need quickly. My phone fits in there easily and you'd never know it was in that pocket due to the embroidery and stitching of the purse, the style of the pocket itself and the way the magnet sits so softly against the side of the purse. The bag itself has a detachable shoulder strap and a wrist handle too, for a use as a travel clutch which is great!

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Recently, I purchased the Litehaul day pack and am excited to use this as well. It is the same colour tones as the previous two pieces and has great internal pockets and is lockable too. But the only downside is that it doesn't have a drink bottle holder. Although I tend to carry my CamelBak bottle wherever I go anyway so it's not that big a deal.

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I will need to figure out exactly what I'm taking on the plane, whether I take both my 38L and day pack or just the 38L with the day pack in my checked suitcase.

Good luggage is crucial. Now that I have made the investment, I won't need to worry about it when I go on my next trip.

26 Days, 10 hours, 49 minutes

Time is counting down. I am beyond excited about this trip. Each day I tell anyone who will listen, and even those who won't, how long I have to go til my trip.

Most people are genuinely supportive. Some are jealous, as I was too when my friends went on their trips. But my jealousy only spurred my passion to finally get my shit sorted and get going on my own trip.

One of my colleagues who I admire hugely for her passion, knowledge, sheer awesomeness and travel love told me I'd be better off putting the trip off til the end of year when I'd have more time. But I am so glad I didn't listen to her. Having this trip in July to count down to has made all the difference in my mental health and overall happiness.

My nan is the most concerned about my trip. She keeps bringing up her worry of me being safe over there and all of the issues that have occurred in the past and more recently too. I understand her concerns and I will be as safe as I can be, but I need her to be happy for me, which she is, and try more to focus on the positive exciting side with me.

It will be one year this Wednesday since my Gran passed away. We've talked so much about my aspirations for travelling. I told her all the places I'd love to go to and we talked about our tupuna and the places they're from too. It's hard coz she knows the questions to ask to make me think and to make me think deeply about my upcoming trip. She'd be beyond happy for me. Which is why I know she supports me no matter what and no matter that I'll be having my last day in Paris or on the plane home for her birthday.

It's been hard having my travel conversations with Nan because I so want the conversations with Gran to get me excited. At least having both of them here meant I got both sides, the deep thinking and excitement and also the concern and safety precautions.

Regardless - I've had to get myself excited, prepared, well-researched and focussed on the trip ahead.

The countdown is critical. I can't wait. More than that - it's honestly so exciting to wait for something you've been wanting for so long to happen. To know that you're actually going there. Being there. Walking on streets that have so much history.

I will miss NZ of course, but the overwhelming joy is at high-critical mass. 😍

Not long now and I'll be off.

To Do:
- Get currencies sorted
- Save more money!!
- Plan out expenses back home while away
- Remind bank that I'm travelling in July
- Do another pre-pack
- Double check the luggage I'm taking
- Print out lists of hotels and other key info for myself and for nan
- SAVE MORE MONEY!

Prepping and Researching

I think I'm near my peak level of prepping for this trip to Europe. I've bought the last few things I've been wanting for a while and now it's time to just refocus and get through the next two months. Gotta save save save some more and be ready for whatever comes my way.

I've researched different Sim cards and ways to pack your bags, different carry ons and the ways to avoid jetlag. I've done in-depth research on lounge passes, asked bunches of questions about currency conversion and sought travel advice.

I've paid more and more off of my trip and now only have about $500 to go. Definitely doable now. Needs to be paid fully by the 22nd May.

I've printed photos for the wall and cut out the names of the cities I'll be visiting in coloured paper. It looks great. I know when I get back from my trip, I'll have actual photos that I will have taken up on the wall.

The vision is getting closer to being a reality. I've wanted to travel for the longest of times. It's not only a relief to be finally going but a true blessing too.

Two months, nine days to go.

I'm looking forward to seeing my Le Long whanau on both sides of the trip. The whanau in England and the whanau in the Channel Islands.

I now need to practice packing and await my new purchases from Wish and the states. :) So incredibly excited.

Nau Mai, Haere Mai!

Tēnā koutou katoa!

Nau mai ki taku rangitaki :) He tētahi whakairinga rangitaki o tēnei rangitaki.

Ka kōrero au i toku haerenga ki Ūropi me ngā wāhi katoa.

Haere mai hoki ki au i toku haerenga.

Ngā mihi,

Alex

Ka whaia au i tenei tohumarau: #takuhaerenga

Translation:
Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. This is the first blog post for this blog.

I'll talk about my travels to Europe and other places too.

Come along with me on my travels.

Many thanks,

Alex

Follow me through the hashtag: #takuhaerenga