So... My mental health is kicking my butt at the moment. Lots of negative thoughts about my weight, thinking I look like crap on photos and those ugly thoughts thinking people don't like me are circulating.
I've found a bunch of incredible people to hang out with here on this trip. I'm looking forward to visiting them in their hometowns too and soon.
I was giving a pep talk to one of my roomies this morning and told her to stop hating on herself. I need to listen to that advice too.
One of the guys earlier was on the phone talking to his two boys. I got down from that too. It just made me so sad that my dad was never that supportive or interested in my life. That this one guy on Contiki had so much love for his kids - it just got me, hard. I tried holding back the tears and for a part I did. But seriously - this same guy I was angry at yesterday for standing on one of the sculpture blocks of the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin was talking to his boys about all the photos he had taken and was looking forward to showing them and explaining the photos when he got back.
It took a minute to remember how I was feeling and why.
For the most part - I'm way out of my comfort zone. I am partying with people much younger than me. But I'm not here to do that. But that's what I've been doing.
I'm out of my normal routine. Spending a lot of time on the bus. Talking with people at a different age and stage than me.
And just like that - the immense joy took over again. We just crossed the border from Germany to Prague. We're now in the Czech Republic!!! 😍😍😍
But then... I don't know. I'm still sad.
I'm gutted I have sore feet and feel like I'm holding people back.
Two days ago I signed up for a heap of different free time add ons. Including Paragliding. Because #noregrets right?! But... I'm feeling yuck and nervous now. Our tour manager just told us that the paragliding company wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable running for 20m before jumping off the cliff. I'm defs not able to run that long for that amount of time. I'm getting better but yeah. I defs think that I'm going to have to give the paragliding a miss aye. Because shit. My mental health is making me doubt everything.
It's hard enough just getting bloody ready. I'm wearing the wrong clothes for the day's activities.
I'm tired. I need more sleep. But I don't want to miss out on anything. But I also don't want to burn out.
I'm feeling so annoyed with myself. I was most looking forward to Prague. And I'm in a crap mood. Gah.
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